Please get your toes out of my salad

"I may or may not have eaten an entire box of macaroni and cheese. Hint: I did"

This was a text I sent to my friend Jackie last week. Because it was true. Because it's impossible to not eat what Avery leaves behind and whatever is left over. People always say that once you have a baby it is hard to lose the gained weight because of your metabolism and hormones and or whatever.

"Excuses Excuses," I say!

I am constantly surrounded by cookies and cheese and juice and quesadillas, it's horrible.

When I was single I could starve myself diet so easily. Now I know why I see so many mom's with fupas. I'm sorry for judging you, fupa lady. Actually, I still do, sorry.

On the topic of food, my daughter has taken to sitting on the dining room table while we eat, and we're ok with it because it's the only way she will actually eat. Troy literally said, "Please get your toes out of my salad" to Avery last night. Don't judge. We're young and have no idea what the hell we're doing this is our first child.

On another note, do you ever see those news specials about "how fat Americans are" and they zoom in on someone's fat middle section while it jiggles as the fatty is walking down the street, like totally unaware that millions of people are about to watch her in total disgust? I hate that, it's so mean.

PS. I have no idea why this is underlined and have no idea how to fix it so it's staying like this.