where am i?
sooooo... I'm kiiinda embarrassed about my month-long blog hiatus. Ehh, not really because I'm tired and just about 5 months pregnant and have NO TIME. Pretty stellar excuses if you ask me.
I am truly amazed by the lady bloggy mom who has time to blog regularly and zone out the toddler who is whining and demanding toys and juice and num-nums all while tugging on mommy's clothes. I mean, either you're an amazing multi-tasker, or you need to pay attention to your kid(s) because he's probably choking on a penny right now. Just sayin'.
Boy oh boy, isn't it impossible to be a good mom when you're tired and emotionally exhausted? After I VERY unwillingly woke up before 6am today for the 500th time in a row today (that number is about right), I said outloud, "I JUST WANT TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO! RRRRRR!" to which Troy called from his office, "you sound like a man when you growl like that, aaaaand it's gross," which made me madder, of course.
Sometimes I feel like a great mom to Avery, sometimes I doubt myself, and every once in a while, every part of my being wants to be left alone. Like, by everyone. I want to just go somewhere and turn my mind and body off.
On a side note, Avery just spilled an entire cup of milk on the chair and floor while "Don't bite your friends" is blaring on Yo Gabba Gabba in the background, which might be the most annoying song ever invented. I'm positive the person who wrote that song is an evil wizard who concocted the song in such a way to tangle itself in your brain so you'll have the song stuck in your head for weeks at a time. Asshole.
This is a potential "every once in a while" kinda day, I can already feel it.
Buut, I don't really have the luxury of giving up right now, because it is completely counter-productive and will only cause more difficulty. I've decided that being a good, or at least a functioning, mom is forcing myself to be as selfless as possible, which is really hard when dealing with an almost-two-year-old who know nothing other than total selfishness.
So, what I'm trying to say is don't... don't... don't bite your friends. Dammit. No, that's not what I'm trying to say. What I'm TRYING to say, is being a mom to a toddler is SO HARD especially when my hormones are tending to make me feel a lot selfish lately.
Avery is having a tantrum on the floor right now. I gotta go. Avery is screaming for her dad, who is at work, because lately, I have represented "evil" and has has represented "good" to our daughter as of late. She's probably right.
Keep it together, self.