I'm certain if Hell exists, my own personal Hell will include me being banished to fitting comforters inside of duvet covers and folding fitted sheets for all of eternity. There is no goddamn way to fold a goddamn fitted sheet.
Sooooo, seven weeks postpartum and I still have 15 lbs left to lose. I hate HATE feeling frumpy. And I adore being a mother, but I don't want to look like a "mom". I don't even want to be a cougar, or puma, or lion, or tiger, or bear
oh my!, I just want to be a smokin' hot 25 year old with bangles and a pedicure and high heels who- surprise!- has kids.
And, for the record, I can't even wear high heels anymore without walking like a newborn baby giraffe.
I'm not sure if I should blame Vegas, my age, or my vanity, but I REALLY miss feeling "done". Like, hair done, nails done, eyebrows done, toenails done, boobs freshly "done" before they took a Thelma and Louise-esque jump off a cliff. Unfortunately all of that wonderfulness costs money and takes time. Both of which are better suited for more important things. Like holding babies who don't like to be put down and making pretend roast beef sandwiches with pretend pretzels on them one... million... times... a... day.
And not the good kind of "gay" that wants to go to a drag show with you either. (Love drag shows- Husband-man went with me once after hours of begging and vowed never to go back due to the doorless bathroom entry. Sad.)
So. to partially remedy this situation, I've calculated that the thinner I am, the more likely I am that people will be able to overlook my hot messiness. Like, "ew, she has spit-up on her sh-- Look at her ass! hot."And if you've read some previous posts, I've been on and off the BOD diet, and have recently started going to the gym again.
I love going to the gym. The only difference between working out pre- and post- babies is what "pumps me up". I used to listen to Britney Spears, now I watch Ina Garten slather chocolate icing upon a 40 lb chocolate cake.
(I freaking love you, Ina!!)
And just to clarify, I am not saying I dislike being a mom- it's the best thing ever and I loooove my little monkies and all that comes with caring for them-- I am just grieving the loss of the time I once had to groom my ego. I love you narcissism. I miss you. Kisses.
Have a good Thurrrrrsday! Starting the "lemonade diet" next week with my mom. Hopefully blogging through it will help me stick to it!